A Testing Time (Part Two)

Lunch at the training course was provided in the onsite restaurant. However, it seemed like nobody had told the chef we were coming. This seemed like an oversight for the organisers of the course considering the theme was how to improve communication. After some flapping from the waiters, some toasted sandwiches and a large bowl of chips emerged. Due to the delay, the course organiser was given a complimentary bottle of wine which she entirely consumed during the lunchbreak. Clearly, she didn’t want to be there either.

Once lunch was over we were all summoned back to the training room. At this point I discovered that this wasn’t actually a training session, it was a conference. The difference means that people should be able to communicate as equals. Great news for the two or three people that talk at length. Bad news for those of us who want to be home before it gets dark.

The results of our online surveys were distributed. It came in the form of a 23-page book which had been personalised for each of us. On getting his book, the maintenance manager announced that he was leaving as he had a train to catch. It wasn’t exactly clear where he was going or why, but I admired his bravery.

Even though this was weeks ago, I have still only read the first two pages of my personality analysis. The rest of it will have to wait until I get a severe case of insomnia. The highlight of page one was the revelation that I “tend to be disinterested in subjects which have no practical application” such as this course, I presume.

The rest of the day was spent reviewing the morning session. We spent four hours looking over something that we did earlier that same day. All the training course cliches arrived, outdated videos, splitting into groups, writing on flipcharts, cheap sweets to ‘lighten the mood’. They were all there. Then we had to rearrange our personality Duplo blocks to the order A.I. said rather than what we believed was actually true. I asked how accurately the A.I. actually worked and was informed in a scathing tone that the computers were correct.

Despite the course/conference starting an hour early, it still overran by another hour. This was mainly because the same two or three people as always, had thought of many points they wanted to discuss in vast detail. One of these points was that somebody dialled a wrong number nearly eight months ago. Eventually even the course leader had enough and told them all to stop talking which was nice as the rest of us had stopped listening hours before.

Once the course leader had enough, the materials were all packed away and the obligatory photos were taken of everyone pretending to have had a lovely day, it was announced we were all being treated to a special dinner. This ‘nice surprise’ was the last thing I needed as it would give the same two or three people even more time to argue about things the rest of us had forgotten about.

It turned out that the special dinner was kebabs. This was the final straw. I followed the example of the maintenance manager and told the group firmly that I also had a train to catch (hoping nobody was too familiar with the train timetables). It worked and I felt amazing. I ran to the train station hoping there would be a train. there wasn’t, it was a replacement bus service but by this point I didn’t care.

There is another training session at the start of next month but sadly I am on holiday. Shame.