No change please, I’m autistic

Like many autistic adults, I like living alone and having my own space is important to me. I don’t need other people being there making noise and mess. I don’t throw dinner parties and I am very happy with this situation. The problem is that I also cannot do DIY. The idea of doing even the simplest task myself is cripplingly stressful particularly if it involves any equipment. So, when things brake (or I can’t understand how to work them) I find ways to work around them. It is just easier.

  • My new microwave didn’t come with an instruction manual and the one I found on the internet didn’t match so I have not used it. That was two years ago so I heat everything on the hob.
  • The lights have a complicated fitting meaning I can’t work out how to get to the bulb. As a result, my flat is getting progressively darker. I now need a torch in the bathroom.
  • When my shower broke, rather than getting somebody to fix it. I started showering at the leisure centre instead for a few months until I finally called the landlord who quickly fixed it while I took deep breaths.
Flat Lay Photography of Hand Tools

The other day, we had a couple of cold nights so I tried turning on the radiator. Of course, I had forgotten that it stopped working ages ago. Feeling brave, I decided to try hitting the thermostat with a spanner. Amazingly it worked. Trouble is that now I can’t turn it off again and am back to sleeping on top of my duvet.

All this is part of a wider anti-change agenda that occurs in my mind. Anything that is likely to cause disruption should be avoided and this is where I now find myself. When the world changed in March, I lost my job and my flat with only three days notice. Should I have fought? Possibly, but I just didn’t have the energy.

               Now, six months later I have fallen into a nice routine. This is so important for me and for so many autistic people. I recently heard an interview with an autistic man who has eaten the same dinner every night for seven years even though he stopped enjoying a long time ago. When the supermarket stopped selling one of the ingredients it caused him real problems. I can relate to that.

               It occurs to me that I will need to go back to work soon but changing my routine is a real mountain for me to climb at this moment. I know that living like this forever is unsustainable and my savings will not last indefinitely, but I am settled. I go on a walk each day, I listen to the radio, I write, I am content.

“I never put off till tomorrow what I can possibly do – the day after.”

Oscar Wilde

3 thoughts on “No change please, I’m autistic

  1. And then there is the issue of finding work which brings its own set of demons. CV’s. application forms and worst of all interviews.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The admin of job hunting is terrible. That is why I stuck with the cruise ships for so long even though they were terrible. It was just so much easier than finding anything else.


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