Of all the things I have been unsuitable for becoming a Zumba instructor is surly very high on the list.
- I have no interest in keeping fit
- I can’t dance
- I really can’t tell the difference between types of music
- I don’t remember choreography
Yet despite all this I became certified. The night before my boss called while I was in the bar
“Are you working tomorrow”
“No, I don’t start till the evening”
“Do you fancy becoming a Zumba instructor”
“Sure, why not, what is it?”
“A bit like line dancing only less yee-ha”
The next morning I turned up and despite being dreadful, became certified against my will. Work was paying so I felt I better not say anything and within a week I was teaching my first class.
‘The music needs to be 70% international’ I was told, yet I really don’t know what counts as international…
My first class (and most of my subsequent classes) consisted of identical clapping/kicking routines as I couldn’t ever remember the routines. I took to having notes on the floor but that was no good when I had to keep stopping at looking at them.
After a couple of years of this ongoing chaos, I ended up being deposed in Los Angeles when somebody broke their wrist and I didn’t even notice. No doubt I was too busy wondering whether to kick or clap or kick and clap.
Yet all this time, work wanted me to do more and more classes. Each month I got another DVD with more routines that I couldn’t do or remember, the guests used to ask if it was ok if they led the classes instead (an offer I always accepted).
In the end I accepted promotion into a position where I was no longer able to do Zumba anymore…
That must have been about eight years ago, I haven’t done any exercise since.