Not Zumbalicious

Of all the things I have been unsuitable for becoming a Zumba instructor is surly very high on the list.

  • I have no interest in keeping fit
  • I can’t dance
  • I really can’t tell the difference between types of music
  • I don’t remember choreography

Yet despite all this I became certified. The night before my boss called while I was in the bar

“Are you working tomorrow”

“No, I don’t start till the evening”

“Do you fancy becoming a Zumba instructor”

“Sure, why not, what is it?”

“A bit like line dancing only less yee-ha”

The next morning I turned up and despite being dreadful, became certified against my will. Work was paying so I felt I better not say anything and within a week I was teaching my first class.

‘The music needs to be 70% international’ I was told, yet I really don’t know what counts as international…

My first class (and most of my subsequent classes) consisted of identical clapping/kicking routines as I couldn’t ever remember the routines. I took to having notes on the floor but that was no good when I had to keep stopping at looking at them.

After a couple of years of this ongoing chaos, I ended up being deposed in Los Angeles when somebody broke their wrist and I didn’t even notice. No doubt I was too busy wondering whether to kick or clap or kick and clap.

Yet all this time, work wanted me to do more and more classes. Each month I got another DVD with more routines that I couldn’t do or remember, the guests used to ask if it was ok if they led the classes instead (an offer I always accepted).

In the end I accepted promotion into a position where I was no longer able to do Zumba anymore…

That must have been about eight years ago, I haven’t done any exercise since.

2 thoughts on “Not Zumbalicious

  1. Funny as always Martin – thanks for making me smile (and I can’t do Zumba either!)
    Minor point – you have written surly instead of surely (although I do like surly as a word).
    Keep on blogging!


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